It was never the baby gear that made me feel prepared.

While I was pregnant, I was absolutely convinced that if I had every item for the “just in case” moments for when the baby comes, I would feel better. My preparation was the only thing that I could control.

And between nesting and intense third trimester hormones, I was vulnerable to quite literally any Instagram advertisement that said anything to the effect of “you need this for your baby.” 

By the time my due date approached, my two bedroom apartment was filled to an uncomfortable degree. Suddenly, this extra small person was taking up so much space. There weren't any more storage spaces for all these items that we had accumulated.

When she finally arrived, I got so frustrated after a couple months because I realized that all these items that I was certain I needed were not even necessarily practical. Why did I need dozens of swaddles when I had sleep sacks? Why did I need bottles, bottle washers, multiple pumps, etc. when I was exclusively breastfeeding? Why did she need several playmats, bouncers, and a pack ‘n’ play? 

And suddenly, I realized that these purchases were made out of a place of being a nervous first time mom, wanting to make sure that I was fully prepared. And once my baby girl actually arrived, I realized that there is truly nothing that could have prepared me — no baby item, nothing that would have made the transition less difficult. And on the other hand, there is nothing truly that could have prepared me — I already had every single thing I needed to nurture and care for my baby within me. The lack or abundance of stuff wouldn’t have ever changed that.